I sit here one year later reflecting on 2011 and looking forward to 2012. I did not hit all of my goals for 2011 but I am down from where I was one year ago. I am glad that I went a whole year aware of my weight and what I was putting in my body. I am proud that I have become more educated about my health. I have read a book that has helped me see weight loss in a different light, Women Food and God, by Geneen Roth has been an eye opening book. This book has helped me understand or at least try to understand the the gain and ideas for helping myself heal. It's a long journey and I have shed a few tears but it is cleansing. I am enjoying this journey.
So it is time to look at my goals for 2012. Here they are:
Starting weight: 298 (12-31-11)
Goal #1: 288 (3-10-12) weight at the '09 Disneyland 1/2 marathon- pedicure
Goal #2: 278 (5-19-12) loss of 10% my body weight- massage
Goal #3: 268 (7-28-12) just before my 36th birthday!- diamond studs
Goal #4: 263 (9-1-12) '12 Disneyland 1/2 marathon- mani, pedi & massage
Goal #5: 257 (10-13-12) Our 11 year wedding anniversary- couples massage
Goal #6: 247 (12-31-11) 51 pounds down!- spa day at Glen Ivy
I've figured that I would lose 1 pound per week, that is realistic. I want to take it slow and not stress out on the weight loss. I think that is why I'm not too disappointed with this years weight loss, I'm not going to stress. I am going to live my life BUT stay aware of what is going on with my health. It is really a lifestyle change not a diet, it is my journey.
Good bye 2011! Thank you for the life lessons!!! I wish you all the best in the New Year. Be safe tonight and enjoy the celebration. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I will continue on this journey and continue to loss this weight.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
One Year Ago...
December 18th marked my one year anniversary of this weight loss journey! I am looking at this in a positive, glass is half full lens instead of crying poor me. Let's see... this time last year I was 311 pounds and now I am 298! I am so glad (but cautiously aware) that I am out of the 300's. I hit 298 early this year but have struggled to get down. Now, if I was in a different state of mind I would have been sulking because I was down to 292 bringing my weight loss to 19 pounds, however that weigh in took place after my surgery and not having eaten for 3 days because of the surgery. I am proud of my self because this was the first time I was actually aware about what I put in my body, although it wasn't always the best foods I was aware of what I was doing and not just moving through the day.
Being aware of what was going in my body was not the only positive for me this year. I was able to exercise and run, not to mention I enjoyed it! I look forward to getting out there again and begin my training for my 1/2 marathon. I am going to train and get ready for the 2012 Disneyland 1/2 marathon. I didn't get to do the 2011 race because I had my Gall Bladder removed. I did however do the 5k along side my aunt and my mom. I didn't do the race for a set time because I was running/walking with a camera to capture my mom's first Disneyland 5k! I was glad I got to do the 5k even though I couldn't do the 1/2 marathon.
This year has also been a positive in the sense that I am dealing with my personal issues and letting myself FEEL! I am always the person that smiles, laughs, and says everything is great but I am a wreck inside. I have been reading recommended books and they are helping me deal with these feelings of hurt, pain, and grief. After my surgery I went into a semi depressive state longing for my sons and questioning their deaths. I found comfort in food, sweets, coffees, basically ANYTHING that tasted good and made me happy. I was aware of what I was doing but didn't care because questioning my self and my beliefs about what happened hurt. It was something that needed to be done. So that is how I went from 292 back to 298 and even though I went up I considered what I was doing, the fact that I was aware of what I was doing, and the fact that I wasn't back where I started one year ago which made me happy.
I am still on my journey and I have accepted that I am not going to lose all my weight in 6 months, 1 year, or even 18 months. I am a work in progress and I am taking it one day at a time, one step at a time. I am not going to take medications, magic pills, surgery, or any pay for weight loss program. I am going to continue working on myself, my happiness, my health, my athletic ability, and my mental health. It took me about 7 years to get this big so I am going to allow myself time to loss this weight. I have everything I need; a loving and supportive husband, my wonderful children, my supportive family and friends, this blog, and an open mind.
In closing I have lost 13 pounds in Year 1 of my Weight Loss Journey. I continue to gain straight mentally and physically and I look forward to Year 2 of this Mother of 6's Weight Loss Journey!
Merry Christmas to you and your family and may 2012 be an AMAZING year for you all!
Being aware of what was going in my body was not the only positive for me this year. I was able to exercise and run, not to mention I enjoyed it! I look forward to getting out there again and begin my training for my 1/2 marathon. I am going to train and get ready for the 2012 Disneyland 1/2 marathon. I didn't get to do the 2011 race because I had my Gall Bladder removed. I did however do the 5k along side my aunt and my mom. I didn't do the race for a set time because I was running/walking with a camera to capture my mom's first Disneyland 5k! I was glad I got to do the 5k even though I couldn't do the 1/2 marathon.
This year has also been a positive in the sense that I am dealing with my personal issues and letting myself FEEL! I am always the person that smiles, laughs, and says everything is great but I am a wreck inside. I have been reading recommended books and they are helping me deal with these feelings of hurt, pain, and grief. After my surgery I went into a semi depressive state longing for my sons and questioning their deaths. I found comfort in food, sweets, coffees, basically ANYTHING that tasted good and made me happy. I was aware of what I was doing but didn't care because questioning my self and my beliefs about what happened hurt. It was something that needed to be done. So that is how I went from 292 back to 298 and even though I went up I considered what I was doing, the fact that I was aware of what I was doing, and the fact that I wasn't back where I started one year ago which made me happy.
I am still on my journey and I have accepted that I am not going to lose all my weight in 6 months, 1 year, or even 18 months. I am a work in progress and I am taking it one day at a time, one step at a time. I am not going to take medications, magic pills, surgery, or any pay for weight loss program. I am going to continue working on myself, my happiness, my health, my athletic ability, and my mental health. It took me about 7 years to get this big so I am going to allow myself time to loss this weight. I have everything I need; a loving and supportive husband, my wonderful children, my supportive family and friends, this blog, and an open mind.
In closing I have lost 13 pounds in Year 1 of my Weight Loss Journey. I continue to gain straight mentally and physically and I look forward to Year 2 of this Mother of 6's Weight Loss Journey!
Merry Christmas to you and your family and may 2012 be an AMAZING year for you all!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
I'm down but not out!
So my last blog was day 1 of my 12 week training and now I'm here telling you that I'm down but not out. What does that mean??? It means I had gallbladder surgery on Friday June 24th and now I can not train for my 1/2 marathon. I had been having upper abdominal pain and a feeling like there was a rock in the middle of my stomach. I had an ultrasound done and it found I had gallstones. My surgeon decided to do a CAT SCAN because he thought something else was going on and it found that I also have a hiatal hernia.
So here I am trying to lose weight and train for a long 13.1 miles and I've got things pushing on my lungs and making me hurt when I run but I pushed on. I pushed on my training and LOVED it, I was enjoying my runs. I was enjoying the idea of running for a mile straight. This was HUGE for me because it had been a LOOONNNGGG time since I could do that. I was listening to good music on my shuffle and pushing myself without someone pushing me, WHAT! That's right I would push myself to run until I couldn't run anymore; Eye of the Tiger would come on and I would get excited and RUN, all 295 pounds of me would run without hurting. So I'm bummed out that I'm down right now because I was FINALLY enjoying exercising, I was FINALLY enjoying running. I even ran the day before my surgery. The former me would have seen the surgery as a reason to not have to run, "why run since I can't after the surgery". But I ran on Thursday and did 3 miles and it was an amazing 3 miles. The first mile I ran while pushing my 2 little girls in their BOB stroller (that was really hard to run and push a double stroller!) The second mile (Anthony had come up and taken the stroller from me) was all up hill in which I ran half and walked half and the third mile I ran the last 3/4 of it! I ran most of the 3 miles and FELT GOOD!!!!
The day of the surgery I asked my surgeon when I will be able to resume training and he asked me when the 1/2 marathon was. I replied Labor Day weekend and his face scrunched up while scratching his jaw. I looked at him with huge eyes waiting for his reply. "You could walk the 1/2 marathon" was his reply! In my head I was screaming "I can't walk the 1/2 marathon, I'll get picked up by the BUS!!!!" He continued, "I don't want you running too soon. If you do run too soon you'll be in here again for me to repair an abdominal hernia, I have to cut through your abdomen to get your gallbladder. You could start walking again as soon as you feel up to it." I just shook my head in agreement and smiled.
So like I said I am down but by no means out! I will now turn my focus to the Huntington Beach 1/2 marathon on Super Bowl Sunday. I need something to train for right now, I need to stay focused. I will be sad while everyone on Labor Day will be doing some type of race at Disneyland and I will be sidelined; even the baby will be in the diaper dash! But I will be a supportive mom and wife and cheer my family on. There's always next year, right?
So here I am trying to lose weight and train for a long 13.1 miles and I've got things pushing on my lungs and making me hurt when I run but I pushed on. I pushed on my training and LOVED it, I was enjoying my runs. I was enjoying the idea of running for a mile straight. This was HUGE for me because it had been a LOOONNNGGG time since I could do that. I was listening to good music on my shuffle and pushing myself without someone pushing me, WHAT! That's right I would push myself to run until I couldn't run anymore; Eye of the Tiger would come on and I would get excited and RUN, all 295 pounds of me would run without hurting. So I'm bummed out that I'm down right now because I was FINALLY enjoying exercising, I was FINALLY enjoying running. I even ran the day before my surgery. The former me would have seen the surgery as a reason to not have to run, "why run since I can't after the surgery". But I ran on Thursday and did 3 miles and it was an amazing 3 miles. The first mile I ran while pushing my 2 little girls in their BOB stroller (that was really hard to run and push a double stroller!) The second mile (Anthony had come up and taken the stroller from me) was all up hill in which I ran half and walked half and the third mile I ran the last 3/4 of it! I ran most of the 3 miles and FELT GOOD!!!!
The day of the surgery I asked my surgeon when I will be able to resume training and he asked me when the 1/2 marathon was. I replied Labor Day weekend and his face scrunched up while scratching his jaw. I looked at him with huge eyes waiting for his reply. "You could walk the 1/2 marathon" was his reply! In my head I was screaming "I can't walk the 1/2 marathon, I'll get picked up by the BUS!!!!" He continued, "I don't want you running too soon. If you do run too soon you'll be in here again for me to repair an abdominal hernia, I have to cut through your abdomen to get your gallbladder. You could start walking again as soon as you feel up to it." I just shook my head in agreement and smiled.
So like I said I am down but by no means out! I will now turn my focus to the Huntington Beach 1/2 marathon on Super Bowl Sunday. I need something to train for right now, I need to stay focused. I will be sad while everyone on Labor Day will be doing some type of race at Disneyland and I will be sidelined; even the baby will be in the diaper dash! But I will be a supportive mom and wife and cheer my family on. There's always next year, right?
Monday, June 13, 2011
Day 1 of my 12 week 1/2 marathon training
Hello everyone! I hope you have all been doing well and enjoying your time. I am enjoying my first two weeks of summer vacation. It was a pretty hectic end of the school year with a semi-formal dance I planned, end of the year activities, 3 all day college tour and beach trips, a promotion ceremony, and not to mention my own kids end of the year activities. But I'm up and at it again, ready to move forward and continue on this weight loss and 1/2 marathon journey.
So today is day one of a 12 week training program. I am really excited because I am WAY ahead of where I was when I did the 2009 1/2 marathon. The 1/2 marathon I'm doing is the Disneyland 1/2 marathon during Labor Day Weekend. They have a STRICT pace which is 16 min miles or a 3 hour 30 minute time limit to complete the race. I did try this race back in 2007 and had not trained for it so I was picked up by the bus. That's right I was ordered on a charter bus blocking the road because anyone on the wrong side of the bus did not meet the pacing requirement and would not be able to finish the race, I was in that category. I was so humiliated and had to tell my family and coworkers that I couldn't finish the race. In order to redeem myself I signed up for the race again in 2009 and trained for it. When I first started training my pace was a 20 minute mile. I was able to get my pace down to 16 minutes exactly and I finished it. I earned my finishers metal but something was not quite right. I wasn't excited, I wasn't feeling accomplished. I figured out that I did it just so I could say I did it. I didn't lose much weight. I ate what I wanted because I was running at night so I thought I'll work it off. But it didn't come off, actually I weighed 289 pounds when I ran the 1/2 marathon which was painful. I hated it, I cursed it every step of the way.
This time is so much different I was excited to start training this morning. My weight is the same as the 2009 1/2 marathon but physically I can run and walk for a longer distance then when I first started training. I am also mentally strong. I am determined to lose the weight, get healthy, and complete this 1/2 marathon without cursing it. This morning I did 3 miles and finished with a 16:43 minute pace and I was able to (drum roll please) run for 1 mile straight!!!! I haven't been able to run for a mile straight since I was in high school on the varsity soccer team. That was a HUGE accomplishment for me because it used to always hurt to run. I enjoyed my 3 miles this morning; taking in the fresh air, the mountains, and the sun. I see it in a different light now and I am grateful for that.
Thanks for your continue support and encouragement! I will keep you posted!
So today is day one of a 12 week training program. I am really excited because I am WAY ahead of where I was when I did the 2009 1/2 marathon. The 1/2 marathon I'm doing is the Disneyland 1/2 marathon during Labor Day Weekend. They have a STRICT pace which is 16 min miles or a 3 hour 30 minute time limit to complete the race. I did try this race back in 2007 and had not trained for it so I was picked up by the bus. That's right I was ordered on a charter bus blocking the road because anyone on the wrong side of the bus did not meet the pacing requirement and would not be able to finish the race, I was in that category. I was so humiliated and had to tell my family and coworkers that I couldn't finish the race. In order to redeem myself I signed up for the race again in 2009 and trained for it. When I first started training my pace was a 20 minute mile. I was able to get my pace down to 16 minutes exactly and I finished it. I earned my finishers metal but something was not quite right. I wasn't excited, I wasn't feeling accomplished. I figured out that I did it just so I could say I did it. I didn't lose much weight. I ate what I wanted because I was running at night so I thought I'll work it off. But it didn't come off, actually I weighed 289 pounds when I ran the 1/2 marathon which was painful. I hated it, I cursed it every step of the way.
This time is so much different I was excited to start training this morning. My weight is the same as the 2009 1/2 marathon but physically I can run and walk for a longer distance then when I first started training. I am also mentally strong. I am determined to lose the weight, get healthy, and complete this 1/2 marathon without cursing it. This morning I did 3 miles and finished with a 16:43 minute pace and I was able to (drum roll please) run for 1 mile straight!!!! I haven't been able to run for a mile straight since I was in high school on the varsity soccer team. That was a HUGE accomplishment for me because it used to always hurt to run. I enjoyed my 3 miles this morning; taking in the fresh air, the mountains, and the sun. I see it in a different light now and I am grateful for that.
Thanks for your continue support and encouragement! I will keep you posted!
Friday, March 25, 2011
I'm back!
So this week has been GREAT!!! It really started last week when I started hitting the gym and working out before I went to work. This week the exercise has continued and this week I was diligent about logging in my food and keeping my 500 calorie deficit. I got on the scale to day and it reflected my hard work!!! I'm back down to 298!!! That is were I was February 11th. I see the day counter for the 1/2 marathon tick away and I know I don't have time to waste so I am working hard. I feel great, appreciate all the great support, and I am happy!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Not the Spring Break I had planned!
So this week and next week I am on Spring Break. We had planned to do a day at the spa, relaxing, getting massaged, soaking, just enjoying the relaxation. We planned on going to Sea World or Disneyland with the kids. We planned on going to Arizona for the Cleveland Indians Spring Training Baseball games. It was going to be fun and exciting, a great Spring Break. Things don't go as planned sometimes!!! Our washer decided to die, it's the motor so it will cost a good chunk of change to fix it or maybe even buy a new one. Then on Tuesday I went out to get in my car and it wouldn't start. It made a clicking noise, a loud clicking noise. I thought it was my battery but all my lights and radio came on so it's the starter. That going to cost us more money!
So we are now doing a stay-cation for Spring Break. We have made a nice dinner every night and sat together and ate dinner. We have had family movie night, The Flight of the Navigator. We have started planning and pricing our daughters Sweet 16 birthday party which will be in November. We have watched shows that have piled up on our DVR, and we have walked around the mall just to get out of the house. The best part so far has been our family hike up Mt. Rubidoux. It was suppose to rain yesterday but it was sunny and pretty outside so we decided to go outside and get some exercise. My brother and his girlfriend have been hiking up the mountain a few times a month and now I wanted to try it. We packed everyone up and headed up the mountain. It was a nice hike up, we took the less steep but longer route up the mountain. I had the baby strapped to me in the pouch and my husband ended up carrying our 2 year old on his shoulders. We talked and laughed while walking up the mountain. The kids climbed rocks and jumped off rocks. We had to stop while a snake slithered across the trail (my husband is deathly afraid of snakes so that was not a fun part for him) and then we continued on our path. We finally reached the top and my legs were BURNING!!! I had a 16 pound baby strapped to me so that was an added workout, which I loved! She was great in her pouch, looking at everything, smiling as people passes, and talking while we walked. Anyway, up at the top the view was beautiful even with the clouds that were rolling in. We got lots of pictures; we even got a picture with the place where we got married almost 10 years ago in the background. We all had huge smiles on our faces, it was a great family day.
The lesson learned here were two things: First, you don't need money to have fun family time! The second thing is family exercise is fun! You don't need the gym to get out and have a good workout! So the Spring Break is not going as planned but it is going GREAT!!! Get out and enjoy the outdoors, we are!!!
So we are now doing a stay-cation for Spring Break. We have made a nice dinner every night and sat together and ate dinner. We have had family movie night, The Flight of the Navigator. We have started planning and pricing our daughters Sweet 16 birthday party which will be in November. We have watched shows that have piled up on our DVR, and we have walked around the mall just to get out of the house. The best part so far has been our family hike up Mt. Rubidoux. It was suppose to rain yesterday but it was sunny and pretty outside so we decided to go outside and get some exercise. My brother and his girlfriend have been hiking up the mountain a few times a month and now I wanted to try it. We packed everyone up and headed up the mountain. It was a nice hike up, we took the less steep but longer route up the mountain. I had the baby strapped to me in the pouch and my husband ended up carrying our 2 year old on his shoulders. We talked and laughed while walking up the mountain. The kids climbed rocks and jumped off rocks. We had to stop while a snake slithered across the trail (my husband is deathly afraid of snakes so that was not a fun part for him) and then we continued on our path. We finally reached the top and my legs were BURNING!!! I had a 16 pound baby strapped to me so that was an added workout, which I loved! She was great in her pouch, looking at everything, smiling as people passes, and talking while we walked. Anyway, up at the top the view was beautiful even with the clouds that were rolling in. We got lots of pictures; we even got a picture with the place where we got married almost 10 years ago in the background. We all had huge smiles on our faces, it was a great family day.
The lesson learned here were two things: First, you don't need money to have fun family time! The second thing is family exercise is fun! You don't need the gym to get out and have a good workout! So the Spring Break is not going as planned but it is going GREAT!!! Get out and enjoy the outdoors, we are!!!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Weight loss is hard!
So I am finally getting back on track! I am logging my food, I am exercising, and I'm going to bed at a decent time. Weight loss is so hard because life sneaks in and takes over. I have been wrapped up with work, grading papers, tutoring, lesson plans, and yearbook. I'm at work late or grading and I find myself munching on crap. I am so busy with the 4 kids; swim practice, religious education classes, choir, tennis practice, and just everyday running around. I am happy that I haven't broken down and grabbed fast food however, that's my one steady accomplishment! My husband is going to school full time is on campus 2 nights a week so it gets hectic at our house. We are happy and busy people but I tend to forget about my health and my goals. We haven't started eating junk dinners but meals haven't been planned out as they used to be. And when do I find time to exercise? I haven't! I haven't been going to bed early to get up early and forget about working out in the afternoon or evening. The only time I could workout was early morning while everyone else was asleep. I can see a big difference in my emotions, my energy level, and my eating when I'm on the right track. So I have made a few changes this week and plan to keep it going or die trying!
Last week I joined the gym because I was getting bored with my workout videos. I have gone twice and down the elliptical machine and now getting ready to jump back in the pool (I love swimming and was on the swim team in high school). I have started planning out dinners again. And I am going to bed at a decent time so I can get up and go to the gym at 5am. It's a small price to pay for the way I feel and to see my health get better.
Weight loss is not easy and no one ever said it would be easy but I did gain two pounds from my lowest weigh in, so I am back to 300 (man I hate that number) but I hope to see a difference this week! Anyone out there that is trying to get healthy, stick with it! It is all worth it and you have lots of support throughout your journey, I know I feel it! Thank you for your support and kind words. One day at a time, one pound at a time!
Last week I joined the gym because I was getting bored with my workout videos. I have gone twice and down the elliptical machine and now getting ready to jump back in the pool (I love swimming and was on the swim team in high school). I have started planning out dinners again. And I am going to bed at a decent time so I can get up and go to the gym at 5am. It's a small price to pay for the way I feel and to see my health get better.
Weight loss is not easy and no one ever said it would be easy but I did gain two pounds from my lowest weigh in, so I am back to 300 (man I hate that number) but I hope to see a difference this week! Anyone out there that is trying to get healthy, stick with it! It is all worth it and you have lots of support throughout your journey, I know I feel it! Thank you for your support and kind words. One day at a time, one pound at a time!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
It's a new month
So I haven't posted a blog since my "Perfect Weekend" back on the 13th. I have let "life" take over and have not focused on my health. I have been going to bed later than I would like and as a result I have been getting up too late to workout. I haven't been planning my dinners so I have not been eating as great as I should have. I do have to celebrate the small victories that I had over the last few weeks regardless of me not being as disciplined. I still have not had quick yucky fast food!!! I have had In-N- Out but it's not a regular thing and I don't consider them in the same catagory as Jack In The Box, Taco Bell, or Mc Donald's. I went to Vegas last weekend and worked out both days; a workout in the fitness room and a walk/job down The Strip. I also was able to control my eating and snacking. And in the last few weeks even though I haven't been counting calories like I should and I haven't been working out like I should I only gained 1 pound. Which I am happy about, I was afraid it was going to be more.
So today is March 1st and I am starting a new month and getting back on track. I did have a rough morning though. I had a very vivid dream that my husband and I were at the park with all 6 of our kids running around. My husband and I were smiling and hugging, just enjoying watching our kids plays. The kids were running and laughing and their laugh was that hardy kids laugh, straight from the belly kind of laugh. The kids were the age they are now except Bella was about 1 running and falling with her older brothers and sisters. Phillip and Adam were the age they should be today, 7 almost 8. Phillip looked a lot like my Elizabeth with light skin and light hair. Adam looked a lot like Arcadia, with darker olive skin and dark hair. The Boys were so handsome and had the same BIG smile as Arcadia, Zach, Elizabeth, and Bella. Anthony and I had the BIGGEST smiles on our faces. We sat in the grass and just enjoyed the view, soaking up what our love has created. When I woke up I felt at peace, happy, and carefree but it didn't last. I realized it was a dream and I started crying; I wanted it to be true, I wanted to experience it, I wanted the kids to experience their siblings. I cried off and on all morning, even in my classroom my eyes would get watery. These feelings then made me want to EAT!!! I wanted chocolate, I wanted a Dr. Pepper, I wanted ice cream, I wanted something but all I had was some chocolate and I allowed myself some. It was just too overwhelming, I had never had a dream like that. I had some chocolate and then put it away, away from where I was working. I went on with my day. I am grateful for the dream and it was beautiful but it did mess me up today. I'm just glad I didn't jump overboard and binge!!!
Like I said today is a new month and I have my next goal to focus on, another 10 pounds. I am going to finish this blog and pop in my Turbo Jam video to get a workout in today! I have been counting my calories today and I am ready to get back on track!!!
I wish you all a Happy March and I hope you make it a great one!
So today is March 1st and I am starting a new month and getting back on track. I did have a rough morning though. I had a very vivid dream that my husband and I were at the park with all 6 of our kids running around. My husband and I were smiling and hugging, just enjoying watching our kids plays. The kids were running and laughing and their laugh was that hardy kids laugh, straight from the belly kind of laugh. The kids were the age they are now except Bella was about 1 running and falling with her older brothers and sisters. Phillip and Adam were the age they should be today, 7 almost 8. Phillip looked a lot like my Elizabeth with light skin and light hair. Adam looked a lot like Arcadia, with darker olive skin and dark hair. The Boys were so handsome and had the same BIG smile as Arcadia, Zach, Elizabeth, and Bella. Anthony and I had the BIGGEST smiles on our faces. We sat in the grass and just enjoyed the view, soaking up what our love has created. When I woke up I felt at peace, happy, and carefree but it didn't last. I realized it was a dream and I started crying; I wanted it to be true, I wanted to experience it, I wanted the kids to experience their siblings. I cried off and on all morning, even in my classroom my eyes would get watery. These feelings then made me want to EAT!!! I wanted chocolate, I wanted a Dr. Pepper, I wanted ice cream, I wanted something but all I had was some chocolate and I allowed myself some. It was just too overwhelming, I had never had a dream like that. I had some chocolate and then put it away, away from where I was working. I went on with my day. I am grateful for the dream and it was beautiful but it did mess me up today. I'm just glad I didn't jump overboard and binge!!!
Like I said today is a new month and I have my next goal to focus on, another 10 pounds. I am going to finish this blog and pop in my Turbo Jam video to get a workout in today! I have been counting my calories today and I am ready to get back on track!!!
I wish you all a Happy March and I hope you make it a great one!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
The Perfect Weekend!
I had the PERFECT weekend! I am sad to see it end but grateful for the memories!
Friday- I already wrote about my wonderful Friday in my last blog but here it is in a nutshell; I hit my first weight loss goal!!!! I spent the day with my husband and kids at the beach, enjoyed a nice 4.48 mile walk, watched the beautiful sunset, and went bowling.
Saturday- I drove out to Pasadena and met my cousin at the Rose Bowl for a nice 3.3 mile walk. The weather was beautiful and there were lots of people walking, running, and biking around the Rose Bowl. My cousin lives in Oxnard and I live in San Bernardino so Pasadena is a 1 hour drive for us both. We use this time to walk about our weight loss journey, our lives, our dreams, the kids, our pains and disappointments, and our happiness. It has been a great thing for us both as we are both determined to change our lives and be better mothers. I look forward to our monthly meeting, I love having girl time and we have so much in common. After the walk and drive home the rest of the day was spent at home relaxing with the kids and my niece and nephew who spent the night with us.
Sunday- We woke up to the sound of our lawn mower in the backyard and kids laughing. My husband jumped up and looked out the window; our oldest daughter who is 15 was mowing the lawn and the kids were outside playing! She surprised us with the dishes being done, the front lawn done and the back yard lawn was done. She had no motive, just wanted to help us out! This is the same girl who was comforting us during our sons funerals, she's sweet, kind, and loving. We then had breakfast and spent the day chatting with my brother who's kids had spent the night. Then I got ready to go to church with the baby and my oldest who sings in the choir. The two middle ones stayed home because they were worn out! When I went to get ready I noticed that all my clothes needed to be cleaned so I grabbed a pair of pants that were hanging, I hadn't worn them since before I got pregnant so this time last year and THEY FIT!!!! I was really happy and excited that I fit into my first pair of pre-pregnancy pants. They are still not a size I'm happy about but I'm working on it! Mass was wonderful and always makes me happy.
I had a PERFECT weekend; family time, exercised (7.8 miles total), and stayed within my calories. I pray my week is awesome also! Have a great week and HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
Here's a picture from the sunset on Friday!
Friday- I already wrote about my wonderful Friday in my last blog but here it is in a nutshell; I hit my first weight loss goal!!!! I spent the day with my husband and kids at the beach, enjoyed a nice 4.48 mile walk, watched the beautiful sunset, and went bowling.
Saturday- I drove out to Pasadena and met my cousin at the Rose Bowl for a nice 3.3 mile walk. The weather was beautiful and there were lots of people walking, running, and biking around the Rose Bowl. My cousin lives in Oxnard and I live in San Bernardino so Pasadena is a 1 hour drive for us both. We use this time to walk about our weight loss journey, our lives, our dreams, the kids, our pains and disappointments, and our happiness. It has been a great thing for us both as we are both determined to change our lives and be better mothers. I look forward to our monthly meeting, I love having girl time and we have so much in common. After the walk and drive home the rest of the day was spent at home relaxing with the kids and my niece and nephew who spent the night with us.
Sunday- We woke up to the sound of our lawn mower in the backyard and kids laughing. My husband jumped up and looked out the window; our oldest daughter who is 15 was mowing the lawn and the kids were outside playing! She surprised us with the dishes being done, the front lawn done and the back yard lawn was done. She had no motive, just wanted to help us out! This is the same girl who was comforting us during our sons funerals, she's sweet, kind, and loving. We then had breakfast and spent the day chatting with my brother who's kids had spent the night. Then I got ready to go to church with the baby and my oldest who sings in the choir. The two middle ones stayed home because they were worn out! When I went to get ready I noticed that all my clothes needed to be cleaned so I grabbed a pair of pants that were hanging, I hadn't worn them since before I got pregnant so this time last year and THEY FIT!!!! I was really happy and excited that I fit into my first pair of pre-pregnancy pants. They are still not a size I'm happy about but I'm working on it! Mass was wonderful and always makes me happy.
I had a PERFECT weekend; family time, exercised (7.8 miles total), and stayed within my calories. I pray my week is awesome also! Have a great week and HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
Here's a picture from the sunset on Friday!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
First Weight Loss Goal...NAILED IT!!!
Yesterday was the perfect day! Let me recap it. I weigh in on Friday's and I was excited to weigh in this week! Last week when I weighed in I was at 300.8 just .8 away from hitting my first goal which was to get out of the dreaded 300's! (Such a yucky number for me!!!) I was really worried though, I was so unmotivated this week. I only worked out twice and I was so tired all week but I did track my food and ate well pretty much all week. So I stepped on the scale and I saw....(drum roll please) 298!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes I hit my first goal that I set for myself! I am now out of the 300's which feels GREAT! I am so excited that I get my first reward for hitting that goal and I have a pedicure date this weekend. After the run down week I had I am looking forward to some relaxation in a massage chair while someone does my toes!
So that was the morning after that everyone got ready so that we could enjoy our holiday Friday and get out of the house. It was a BEAUTIFUL day here in So. Cal and we wanted to get out and enjoy it so we drove out to the beach. We went to Balboa Beach, parked and got out the BOB stroller. We headed out for a nice walk and realized it would be lunch time soon and we saw a Subway back in Newport which was a way back so we decided to walk to it. It was a perfect 80 degree day with breeze just a perfect day. We walked along the boardwalk looking and fantasizing about the houses. The kids ran ahead of us or strolled behind us and the two little ones enjoyed being pushed along as the 2 year old noticed doggies walking by. I was taking it all in this beautiful day, my first weight loss goal, and hearing my kids laugh. We reached Newport Beach and it turned out to be a 2.24 mile walk. My husband, my oldest daughter, and I had Subway for lunch and my 6 and 2 year old's had McDonald's since it was across the street. I let them have McDonald's since they had not had McDonald's in a while. My family has not had fast food since 12-13-10 but little ones look forward to their Happy Meals and since it had been a while I said ok. We sat outside of McDonald's and ate our lunch, laughing and talking the whole time. When we were finished we got up and started walking back to Balboa Beach another 2.24 miles. As we walked my husband and I talked and laughed about our 17 years together and our new healthy lifestyle. Our 2 oldest kids were behind us the whole time now as they were a little tired now and acting silly, posing for pictures with our camera as they walked along. My husband and I were walking along and a woman was standing out on her patio looking out towards the water and she said hello to us with a huge smile on her face. We both said hello back. She said excitedly, "There it goes, watch, the sun is about to go down!" We both turned around and watch the big orange ball drop behind Catalina Island (it was so clear yesterday!) The lady started clapping and said "Thank you for coming today!" talking to the sun. She turned to us and said, "I look forward to that every night because you never know if you are going to wake up and see it again tomorrow." She was so right! I have learned that since the Boys died but you don't think of it on a regular basis. My husband and I looked at each other and said, "She's right." We were both so glad we stopped, took the moment to watch the sun set and take it in. Life is not a guarantee and we need to appreciate every minute of it. I'm just glad I realized that I am out enjoying life instead of watching tv and having my kids see their mom waste her life.
We finally reached the car and loaded up but knew traffic was going to be horrible. We had a little mini discussion and decided to find a bowling alley to pass the time. This was our 6 and 2 year old's first time bowling and they loved it! After bowling we went to Ruby's Diner and enjoyed a burger because we had enough calories to spare. Then headed back to the IE from OC.
I have to say it was a PERFECT DAY!
So that was the morning after that everyone got ready so that we could enjoy our holiday Friday and get out of the house. It was a BEAUTIFUL day here in So. Cal and we wanted to get out and enjoy it so we drove out to the beach. We went to Balboa Beach, parked and got out the BOB stroller. We headed out for a nice walk and realized it would be lunch time soon and we saw a Subway back in Newport which was a way back so we decided to walk to it. It was a perfect 80 degree day with breeze just a perfect day. We walked along the boardwalk looking and fantasizing about the houses. The kids ran ahead of us or strolled behind us and the two little ones enjoyed being pushed along as the 2 year old noticed doggies walking by. I was taking it all in this beautiful day, my first weight loss goal, and hearing my kids laugh. We reached Newport Beach and it turned out to be a 2.24 mile walk. My husband, my oldest daughter, and I had Subway for lunch and my 6 and 2 year old's had McDonald's since it was across the street. I let them have McDonald's since they had not had McDonald's in a while. My family has not had fast food since 12-13-10 but little ones look forward to their Happy Meals and since it had been a while I said ok. We sat outside of McDonald's and ate our lunch, laughing and talking the whole time. When we were finished we got up and started walking back to Balboa Beach another 2.24 miles. As we walked my husband and I talked and laughed about our 17 years together and our new healthy lifestyle. Our 2 oldest kids were behind us the whole time now as they were a little tired now and acting silly, posing for pictures with our camera as they walked along. My husband and I were walking along and a woman was standing out on her patio looking out towards the water and she said hello to us with a huge smile on her face. We both said hello back. She said excitedly, "There it goes, watch, the sun is about to go down!" We both turned around and watch the big orange ball drop behind Catalina Island (it was so clear yesterday!) The lady started clapping and said "Thank you for coming today!" talking to the sun. She turned to us and said, "I look forward to that every night because you never know if you are going to wake up and see it again tomorrow." She was so right! I have learned that since the Boys died but you don't think of it on a regular basis. My husband and I looked at each other and said, "She's right." We were both so glad we stopped, took the moment to watch the sun set and take it in. Life is not a guarantee and we need to appreciate every minute of it. I'm just glad I realized that I am out enjoying life instead of watching tv and having my kids see their mom waste her life.
We finally reached the car and loaded up but knew traffic was going to be horrible. We had a little mini discussion and decided to find a bowling alley to pass the time. This was our 6 and 2 year old's first time bowling and they loved it! After bowling we went to Ruby's Diner and enjoyed a burger because we had enough calories to spare. Then headed back to the IE from OC.
I have to say it was a PERFECT DAY!
What did the scale say?????
What did the scale say?????- written on 1-24-11
I had a great weekend that started off with a great weigh in! I weigh in on Friday's and so I stepped up on that scale and it said 302.6, which is a loss of 3.2 from last week!!!! Finally I got to see a good number and I was excited. It felt good to feel that all my counting, tracking, and exercising was paying off. I also realized that my attitude and activity level has changed. I am feeling great and energetic. As a family we are more active and enjoy going for walks around the local university and to the local park. The kids are getting out and having fun. Not only has this health change made a difference in our activity level but it has made me realize some things, some things I had no idea I had done (kind of like all the weight I gained).
So, I played at the park with my kids; pushed them on the swing, caught them at the end of the slide, and lifted them onto the monkey bars. When the kids ran off to chase each other my husband and I sat at the picnic table enjoying the sun and watching our children play and laugh. I asked him, "Why didn't we did this before?" He replied, "Because we always had 'other things' to do or we were lazy." As I sat there thinking I noticed that our 6 year old never really got to run and play at the park (I think I can count on my fingers how many times he has been to the park). Why was that? Why was it that he just learned how to ride a bike? It hit me; I sheltered him! I was so afraid of losing him I wouldn't let him do anything. I couldn't imagine going through the pain of losing another child, 2 was more than I could handle. I rarely let him outside! It was the same thing with my weight. I sheltered myself. I didn't want to live outside anymore. I wanted to sit and eat because it made me feel good or at least it made me forget for a second the pain I was in. I thought I was happy sitting in front of the TV and eating anything I wanted. But I finally realized that I'm not, I'm not happy living that life.
I have had 3 kids since my Boys passed away and so the pounds just added up. It wasn't until my last one (three months ago) did I finally realize that I have been killing myself and that I want to change. The park and our university walk were so invigorating and made me feel alive again. I was smiling, my husband was smiling, and most importantly my kids were smiling. My son said it was one of the best days ever! I have to agree with him!
Weight loss is so much more than the pounds. It's about getting mentally healthy also! My weight was a sign of how depressed I have been even with my loving husband and wonderful kids. It was me mourning my Boys and not living today. I'm changing that and I know that my Boys would be proud of their Mommy!
Am I really......????
Am I really......????- written on 1-16-11
Am I really down just .2 from last week? YES!!! .2 that's it .2 BUT I am feeling GREAT!!! It was my first week back at work and I was really nervous about going back. I was worried about munching through out the day, being tired, or not getting the workouts in. I did great this week. I didn't munch on nonsense! I took my lunch everyday and all my healthy snacks. I went to bed between 9:30 and 10pm every night and got up to excercise by 5am every morning and I EXCERSISED Monday through Thursday (Friday and Sunday's are my rest days). I felt great!!! I am so excited for next week. I was kind of sad that I only had .2 on the scale but my WONDERFUL and LOVING Husband reminded me that it's not about the scale (even though I know that I have to be reminded because I want instant gratification!!!!) I am getting healthy and because I am nursing my daughter is eating healthy. Getting healthy and moving more will make the weight come off in time. Patience Young Grasshopper!!!!
Weigh in #3!
Weigh in #3!- written on 1-7-11
So today I was pleasantly surprised that I lost .4 pounds. I say pleasantly surprised because it was a fun week! We had New Years, date night, and steak dinner in the last 7 days. I was very happy when I looked back upon the week and realized I made some good choices and I am happy about those choices.
I am really happy about the choices I am making and feel great. I don't ever want to lose this feeling!
- New Years Eve and Day- I ate what ever I wanted but I was mindful of how much I put in my mouth. I also did a Turbo Jam before I went to our gathering and while at the gathering we played the Wii Just Dance games so I was up and moving. The midnight picture with my husband is horrible because I am all red and sweating but at least I will always remember that I was moving!
- Wednesday my husband and I had a night out with some friends (our first outing without the kids since our newborn!) We went to TGI Friday's and I was SCARED! I was scared because Friday's is where I ALWAYS get the Jack Daniels Burger with french fries and a Coke. I knew and was ready to find a better choice for dinner. I had the Jack Daniels Chicken dinner with sweet potato fries and steamed veggies. YES JULIA HAD STEAMED VEGGIES AND ATE ALL OF THEM! I was very upset to find out our appetizer, the Jack Daniels Strips were over 1400 calories! We split them but still it added up to over 700 calories for an appetizer!!! I will never order that again. We had a great dinner and I left happy, satisfied, and excited about my choices. There have been other times when I ordered a healthy choice but left unhappy and very unsatisfied. I always went back to my unhealthy choice, not this time. I'm looking forward to our next outing!
- Last night we had tri-tip steak, mashed potatoes, and steamed carrots. It was a good dinner that my dad made. I made sure to have a small cut of meat and I had lots of steamed carrots. I may have had a little too many mashed potatoes but didn't go overboard.
I am really happy about the choices I am making and feel great. I don't ever want to lose this feeling!
2011- A New Year, A New Outlook On My Life
2011- A New Year, A New Outlook On My Life- written on 1-1-11
The moment of enlightenment is when a person's dreams of possibilities become images of probabilities."
– Vic Braden
– Vic Braden
How appropriate is it that when I opened up my email today I found the above quote waiting for me!!! I feel that in the last two weeks since I have joined Myfitnesspal I have been enlightened.
· I realized that my mom is going to hit her goal weight before me but we still need each other as support on this weight loss and lifestyle journey.
· I realized that my overall goal is to be healthy and not to worry if I don’t lose every week.
· I realized that my whole family needs to get healthy and active and I must be a part of that.
· I realized that I’m not going to stress during holidays; I’m going to eat what I want because it’s just for the day not my life anymore!
· I have realized that losing 146 pounds is not going to come off quickly. IT’S NOT A RACE!!!
It feels so good to have been enlightened by the wonderful friends I have on MFP!
So I have finally made some goals for myself. You know in all the times I have tried to lose weight I had never made any goals for myself! What does that say???? So here it is:
Goal #1: 299 by 3-4-11 Get out of the 300’s!!!! REWARD pedicure
Goal #2: 289 by 5-13-11 weight I was at the ’09 Disneyland ½ marathon REWARD massage
Goal #3: 279 by 7-15-11 A loss of just over 10% of my starting body weight REWARD diamond stud earrings
Goal #4: 270 by 9-1-11 The ’11 Disneyland ½ marathon REWARD mani, pedi, and massage
Goal #5: 260 by 10-13-11 Our 10 year wedding anniversary REWARD for both of us a couples massage
Goal #6: 250 by 12-31-11 61 pounds in a year! REWARD spa day at Glen Ivy Spa
My dates aren’t really spread out in any particular intervals but by dates that have meaning. My rewards are all things that I want to do or have but believe that I must earn them. I used to REWARD myself with food, "I lost 5 pounds so lets go to Red Robin and have a Banzi Burger" (how backwards is that!!!!)
I am so excited for this year and all the wonderful things it holds in store for us! By this time next year I will be 61 pounds lighter and healthier and I will be writing about my new goals and aspirations! I must remember slow and steady wins the race!!!!
Weight in #2 on the last day of 2010!!!!
Weight in #2 on the last day of 2010!!!!- written on 12-31-10
So today I weighed in and was happy to have just maintained!!! I weighed in on Christmas Eve at 306.4 which was down almost 5 pounds from were I started. On Christmas Eve and Christmas I ate anything and everything I saw. I didn’t hold back; I ate chocolates, cupcakes, cookies, cake, ham, meatballs, bread, bread, and more bread, and then more See’s candy, and fudge, and more cupcakes…you get the picture. I didn’t even feel bad because I knew that it was just for the holiday. I got on the scale on Monday and saw I was up to 312, one pound more than when I started! I was going to get back on track. I ate well, tracked everything, and exercised a few times this week. It felt good! And I was able to get back down, so I actually did lose weight!
Did I feel guilty? It’s funny to say this but NO! I had no guilt because I’m not living like that; it was only one day not a lifetime of eating like that anymore. I’m going to live life and not be on a diet. I’m going to eat what I want but in moderation and I am going to work out and stay busy. I’m going to take myself and continue working out, tracking, and eating right. I feel like I am in a different state of mind, a mindset that knows this is not a race. It is a LIFE CHANGE!!!!
This is a great way to start off the New Year! Welcome 2011!!!!
Happy New Year and be safe!!!!
Total weight loss for December: 5 pounds!
Who knew yoga could be so hard!
Who knew yoga could be so hard!- written on 12-29-10
Today I did The Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga and man it was HARD!!! I did week 1-2 which lasted 35 minutes and it was a great workout. I was sweating, my legs and arms were shaking, but DAMN it felt good!!!
Now I just need to stick to it. The DVD recommends you do it 4-5 times a week for 6 weeks to see results, so I’m willing to give it a try. I have to!!!! I am doing this and I am exercising at least 5 times a week. I felt so good afterward. I always find myself asking, "why don’t I exercise more often"…. because it’s hard to get started but I just need to look at a picture of myself or look in my babies eye’s and I am ready to go!!!!
This Christmas
This Christmas....- originally written on 12-27-10
This Christmas was exciting and so much fun. We had a house full of family members; mom, dad, brother, girlfriend, nephew, niece, sister-in-law, more nieces, another nephew, aunt, cousin, another cousin, his sister, plus my 4 kids and my wonderful husband. We had so much fun and enjoyed every minute. This was the first Christmas that we didn't have "tension" no fighting, no one not talking to us, my husband, his sister and our nieces went to church with us for the first time, IT WAS PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!! It was the Christmas I had always dreamed of. Even though it was a Dollar Tree Christmas it was PERFECT!!!! The kids had tons of little gifts under the tree and they could care less about where it was bought. They had such big smiles and everyone was happy.
Now, to talk about the weight.... I went overboard. At least I can admit that, before I would deny it! I enjoyed myself and ate what I wanted but I don't feel bad. I'm done feeling bad about what I put in my mouth because I know that I am going to do this weight loss. I have hope now, I am happy, and I am ready. One day or even 1 week of holidays are not going to sideline me. It's not going to discourage me. I'm going to enjoy, dance, sing, and be happy and look forward to a healthy life. This time is so different, I don't feel guilty, I don't feel bad, like I said, I feel hopeful and excited. I will countinue to count my calories and get in any workouts I can. Here's to changing my lifestyle! I hope you have a wonderful last week of 2010, Merry Christmas to you all.
The first day of change
The first day of change- written on 12-18-10
So I am trying this again, the lifestyle change. I have tried to lose weight before but every time I get to about 20 pounds lost I fall off and then gain it all back again. But this time I feel different, I feel like I'm ready for the long road ahead of me. I have 146 pounds to lose. Maybe I'm ready because I just had another child and I know if I don't do something I will die early and not see my kids grow up. Maybe I'm ready because my mom just had gastric bypass and I don't want to be the "Fat Daughter". Maybe it's because my husband is trying to slim down. Maybe because my kids are active running around and I'm sitting on the couch. Or maybe it's because we went to see West Side Story December 4th at the Pantages Theater and I was so uncomfortable sitting in that TINY TIGHT seat. All I know is that I'm ready and I'm doing this. I have let this weight control me for 10 years now, wow that's a long time and I've never said that out loud!
I started putting on some weight after we got married. We both did, we felt comfortable and happy, who cared how we look. We ate ice cream every night, we didn't even scoop it out into a bowl we just ate it straight out of the carton! I then got pregnant with our twin boys and I put on 10 pounds in 6 months. I went into labor with them at 25 weeks and they were born at 1 lb 8oz and 1lb 6oz. They were in the NICU and I was there everyday all day. I ate fast food and cafeteria food for every meal I didn't care. My first son died at 3 months and I was so depressed but I still had my other son to take care of. My second son died at 4 months and now I was in a whole other universe. I walked around like a zombie, sleeping, crying, and sitting at the cemetery. I put anything and everything in my mouth. I found comfort in food where my husband found comfort in running and working out. He started losing weight and I started packing it on. I was so bad that he went to my parents and asked for help because he couldn't see me living like this nor could our daughter see her mom like this any more. Little by little I started getting out of bed and making my way through the day but then it was Christmas, my FAVORITE holiday ever and I was depressed again. I baked and ate everything again but I still felt empty, I felt like that song by Faith Hill- Where Are You Christmas. I packed on more weight and it didn't even phase me.
In February I found out I was pregnant again. I was scared more than anything. I couldn't go through losing another child. With every cramp, pain, twitch I ran to the doctor, I panicked, and I worried. In October I gave birth to another beautiful health son. He was perfect. It was bittersweet you see he was born the day after my second son's anniversary of his death. It was a new start for me as a mother. It's too bad I didn't see it that way for my weight! I continued to eat out of control and packed on more weight.
Years went by and I was busy with school and work, never thinking about my weight or health. I focused on my kids, my husband, my house, and my career. I didn't have nor did I want to focus on me. I didn't think it was right to have time for me.
In July of 2008 I gave birth to our 5th child and fully enjoyed every minute of this pregnancy and birth. I was in a new place with my kids and I was happy again. Lots of soul searching and talking with my family, friends, and priest helped me to get in a better place with my kids. But my weight was still an issue I was huge! I was in the high 200's and that is not good. I tried getting healthy again and even ran a 1/2 marathon. I lost about 25 pounds but that wasn't enough. I tried to lose more weight but got frustrated and stopped counting, stopped exercising.
I found out in 2010 I was pregnant with our 6th baby and I was excited. I always wanted a big family and after the twins I never that I would continue. We welcomed this baby in October and I love every minute of it. I am now ready to lose all the baby weight I have put on in the past 7 years plus the weight I put on after we got married. I know it will be a long road because I want to lose it the right way, nice and slow. I have a strong support system around me and I have 4 beautiful kids cheering me all the way and a WONDERFUL loving husband who is working with me.
This time needs to be the final time and I need to get healthy for my family and me. I am happy again and I enjoy life. I know now that my twins are fine and watching over us, and I will see them again but not just yet. I love my life and now my outside needs to reflect that!
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