What did the scale say?????

What did the scale say?????- written on 1-24-11

I had a great weekend that started off with a great weigh in!  I weigh in on Friday's and so I stepped up on that scale and it said 302.6, which is a loss of 3.2 from last week!!!!  Finally I got to see a good number and I was excited.  It felt good to feel that all my counting, tracking, and exercising was paying off. I also realized that my attitude and activity level has changed. I am feeling great and energetic.  As a family we are more active and enjoy going for walks around the local university and to the local park.  The kids are getting out and having fun.  Not only has this health change made a difference in our activity level but it has made me realize some things, some things I had no idea I had done (kind of like all the weight I gained). 

So, I played at the park with my kids; pushed them on the swing, caught them at the end of the slide, and lifted them onto the monkey bars.  When the kids ran off to chase each other my husband and I sat at the picnic table enjoying the sun and watching our children play and laugh.  I asked him, "Why didn't we did this before?"  He replied, "Because we always had 'other things' to do or we were lazy."  As I sat there thinking I noticed that our 6 year old never really got to run and play at the park (I think I can count on my fingers how many times he has been to the park).   Why was that?  Why was it that he just learned how to ride a bike?  It hit me; I sheltered him!  I was so afraid of losing him I wouldn't let him do anything. I couldn't imagine going through the pain of losing another child, 2 was more than I could handle.  I rarely let him outside!  It was the same thing with my weight.  I sheltered myself.  I didn't want to live outside anymore.  I wanted to sit and eat because it made me feel good or at least it made me forget for a second the pain I was in.  I thought I was happy sitting in front of the TV and eating anything I wanted.  But I finally realized that I'm not, I'm not happy living that life.  

I have had 3 kids since my Boys passed away and so the pounds just added up.  It wasn't until my last one (three months ago) did I finally realize that I have been killing myself and that I want to change.  The park and our university walk were so invigorating and made me feel alive again.  I was smiling, my husband was smiling, and most importantly my kids were smiling.  My son said it was one of the best days ever!  I have to agree with him!

Weight loss is so much more than the pounds.  It's about getting mentally healthy also! My weight was a sign of how depressed I have been even with my loving husband and wonderful kids.  It was me mourning my Boys and not living today.  I'm changing that and I know that my Boys would be proud of their Mommy!