WOW! It has been a LOOONG time since I've been here! I'm going to focus on the fact that I came back and I'm happy to be back.
While the truth is I've gained back my weight and I am fighting to get back down. I lost my motivation, I lost my drive, I lost my will. I had no desire to lose weight or to be healthy and I'm not sure why. Why would I not want to be healthy or not in pain? I just didn't have it. How many people can relate? Probably all of you.
Well for some reason last Monday something hit me and I'm not sure what. I was just plain tired! Tired of feeling down, tired of pain, tired of hating, tired of being jealous, just TIRED. So I looked up different meditations and podcast to help me deal with stress and weight and I found two different podcast on iTunes, "Meditation Oasis". I listen to a meditation podcast which helps me de-stress, calm down, and relax. I can't believe what a difference it has made for me in just 7 days! I look forward to my meditation time. It's amazing!
The second thing I've done is found a Life Coach podcast. "Inside Out Weight Loss" is a podcast that works toward aligning mind, body, and spirit for lasting change. The nightly discussions talk about diet, motivation, and fitness. It has helped me examine what is going on inside and why I am so heavy. I have dug deep for answers and I am seeing results and it's only been 7 days! In the 7 days I have examined why I eat; I seek comfort from food. The food has become my coping mechanism for 3 different and major events in my life, events I have felt guilty for. I feel so guilty that I eat to make myself feel better. When I go to eat something I do it because I tell myself "I deserve it", "It will make you feel better", "You're sad so this is what you need" but I know that's not going to make me feel better. All the food did was make me struggle, cry, and hurt. I felt as though my weight was my way of displaying my guilt, a way of letting everyone know that I was guilty and this is what I must do to make up for it. I have realized that I have to forgive myself and move on. I have done nothing wrong, I am not the one who has to pay. I deserve better. EVERYTHING else in my life is just about perfect EXCEPT my weight and health. My marriage, my kids, my education, my career; I'm as happy as can be with all of that EXCEPT my weight and health. I'm working on it though. I am writing in a journal, I am listening, and I am seeking answers from within. In the 7 days I have lost 7 pounds!!! I have not counted calories, I have not joined a program, I have not starved myself BUT I HAVE LISTENED to what my body is saying! Wow, what a concept. I am not fighting with myself internally, not fighting about what I put in my mouth, I eat what I need; no more, no less. Almost instantly I have stopped eating desert because I just don't want it. For the first time I can eat something because I like the taste but STOP after one! I eat it because I want the taste not because "I deserve it" or "it will make me feel better"!
I'm really working on myself this time not the weight and I feel as though this is a game changer. I'll keep you updated!
