The Perfect Weekend!

I had the PERFECT weekend!  I am sad to see it end but grateful for the memories!

Friday- I already wrote about my wonderful Friday in my last blog but here it is in a nutshell; I hit my first weight loss goal!!!!  I spent the day with my husband and kids at the beach, enjoyed a nice 4.48 mile walk, watched the beautiful sunset, and went bowling.

Saturday- I drove out to Pasadena and met my cousin at the Rose Bowl for a nice 3.3 mile walk.  The weather was beautiful and there were lots of people walking, running, and biking around the Rose Bowl.  My cousin lives in Oxnard and I live in San Bernardino so Pasadena is a 1 hour drive for us both.  We use this time to walk about our weight loss journey, our lives, our dreams, the kids, our pains and disappointments, and our happiness.  It has been a great thing for us both as we are both determined to change our lives and be better mothers.  I look forward to our monthly meeting, I love having girl time and we have so much in common.  After the walk and drive home the rest of the day was spent at home relaxing with the kids and my niece and nephew who spent the night with us.

Sunday- We woke up to the sound of our lawn mower in the backyard and kids laughing.  My husband jumped up and looked out the window; our oldest daughter who is 15 was mowing the lawn and the kids were outside playing!  She surprised us with the dishes being done, the front lawn done and the back yard lawn was done.  She had no motive, just wanted to help us out!  This is the same girl who was comforting us during our sons funerals, she's sweet, kind, and loving.  We then had breakfast and spent the day chatting with my brother who's kids had spent the night.  Then I got ready to go to church with the baby and my oldest who sings in the choir.  The two middle ones stayed home because they were worn out! When I went to get ready I noticed that all my clothes needed to be cleaned so I grabbed a pair of pants that were hanging, I hadn't worn them since before I got pregnant so this time last year and THEY FIT!!!! I was really happy and excited that I fit into my first pair of pre-pregnancy pants.  They are still not a size I'm happy about but I'm working on it! Mass was wonderful and always makes me happy.

I had a PERFECT weekend; family time, exercised (7.8 miles total), and stayed within my calories.   I pray my week is awesome also!  Have a great week and HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

Here's a picture from the sunset on Friday!

First Weight Loss Goal...NAILED IT!!!

Yesterday was the perfect day!  Let me recap it.  I weigh in on Friday's and I was excited to weigh in this week! Last week when I weighed in I was at 300.8 just .8 away from hitting my first goal which was to get out of the dreaded 300's! (Such a yucky number for me!!!)  I was really worried though, I was so unmotivated this week.  I only worked out twice and I was so tired all week but I did track my food and ate well pretty much all week. So I stepped on the scale and I saw....(drum roll please)  298!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yes I hit my first goal that I set for myself!  I am now out of the 300's which feels GREAT! I am so excited that I get my first reward for hitting that goal and I have a pedicure date this weekend.  After the run down week I had I am looking forward to some relaxation in a massage chair while someone does my toes!
So that was the morning after that everyone got ready so that we could enjoy our holiday Friday and get out of the house.  It was a BEAUTIFUL day here in So. Cal and we wanted to get out and enjoy it so we drove out to the beach.  We went to Balboa Beach, parked and got out the BOB stroller.  We headed out for a nice walk and realized it would be lunch time soon and we saw a Subway back in Newport which was a way back so we decided to walk to it.  It was a perfect 80 degree day with breeze just a perfect day.  We walked along the boardwalk looking and fantasizing about the houses.  The kids ran ahead of us or strolled behind us and the two little ones enjoyed being pushed along as the 2 year old noticed doggies walking by.  I was taking it all in this beautiful day, my first weight loss goal, and hearing my kids laugh. We reached Newport Beach and it turned out to be a 2.24 mile walk.  My husband, my oldest daughter, and I had Subway for lunch and my 6 and 2 year old's had McDonald's since it was across the street.  I let them have McDonald's since they had not had McDonald's in a while.  My family has not had fast food since 12-13-10 but little ones look forward to their Happy Meals and since it had been a while I said ok.  We sat outside of McDonald's and ate our lunch, laughing and talking the whole time.  When we were finished we got up and started walking back to Balboa Beach another 2.24 miles.  As we walked my husband and I talked and laughed about our 17 years together and our new healthy lifestyle.  Our 2 oldest kids were behind us the whole time now as they were a little tired now and acting silly, posing for pictures with our camera as they walked along.  My husband and I were walking along and a woman was standing out on her patio looking out towards the water and she said hello to us with a huge smile on her face.  We both said hello back.  She said excitedly,  "There it goes, watch, the sun is about to go down!"  We both turned around and watch the big orange ball drop behind Catalina Island (it was so clear yesterday!) The lady started clapping and said "Thank you for coming today!" talking to the sun.  She turned to us and said, "I look forward to that every night because you never know if you are going to wake up and see it again tomorrow."  She was so right!  I have learned that since the Boys died but you don't think of it on a regular basis. My husband and I looked at each other and said, "She's right." We were both so glad we stopped, took the moment to watch the sun set and take it in.  Life is not a guarantee and we need to appreciate every minute of it.  I'm just glad I realized that I am out enjoying life instead of watching tv and having my kids see their mom waste her life.

We finally reached the car and loaded up but knew traffic was going to be horrible.  We had a little mini discussion and decided to find a bowling alley to pass the time.  This was our 6 and 2 year old's first time bowling and they loved it!  After bowling we went to Ruby's Diner and enjoyed a burger because we had enough calories to spare.  Then headed back to the IE from OC.

I have to say it was a PERFECT DAY!

What did the scale say?????

What did the scale say?????- written on 1-24-11

I had a great weekend that started off with a great weigh in!  I weigh in on Friday's and so I stepped up on that scale and it said 302.6, which is a loss of 3.2 from last week!!!!  Finally I got to see a good number and I was excited.  It felt good to feel that all my counting, tracking, and exercising was paying off. I also realized that my attitude and activity level has changed. I am feeling great and energetic.  As a family we are more active and enjoy going for walks around the local university and to the local park.  The kids are getting out and having fun.  Not only has this health change made a difference in our activity level but it has made me realize some things, some things I had no idea I had done (kind of like all the weight I gained). 

So, I played at the park with my kids; pushed them on the swing, caught them at the end of the slide, and lifted them onto the monkey bars.  When the kids ran off to chase each other my husband and I sat at the picnic table enjoying the sun and watching our children play and laugh.  I asked him, "Why didn't we did this before?"  He replied, "Because we always had 'other things' to do or we were lazy."  As I sat there thinking I noticed that our 6 year old never really got to run and play at the park (I think I can count on my fingers how many times he has been to the park).   Why was that?  Why was it that he just learned how to ride a bike?  It hit me; I sheltered him!  I was so afraid of losing him I wouldn't let him do anything. I couldn't imagine going through the pain of losing another child, 2 was more than I could handle.  I rarely let him outside!  It was the same thing with my weight.  I sheltered myself.  I didn't want to live outside anymore.  I wanted to sit and eat because it made me feel good or at least it made me forget for a second the pain I was in.  I thought I was happy sitting in front of the TV and eating anything I wanted.  But I finally realized that I'm not, I'm not happy living that life.  

I have had 3 kids since my Boys passed away and so the pounds just added up.  It wasn't until my last one (three months ago) did I finally realize that I have been killing myself and that I want to change.  The park and our university walk were so invigorating and made me feel alive again.  I was smiling, my husband was smiling, and most importantly my kids were smiling.  My son said it was one of the best days ever!  I have to agree with him!

Weight loss is so much more than the pounds.  It's about getting mentally healthy also! My weight was a sign of how depressed I have been even with my loving husband and wonderful kids.  It was me mourning my Boys and not living today.  I'm changing that and I know that my Boys would be proud of their Mommy!

Am I really......????

Am I really......????- written on 1-16-11

Am I really down just .2 from last week?  YES!!! .2 that's it .2 BUT I am feeling GREAT!!!  It was my first week back at work and I was really nervous about going back.  I was worried about munching through out the day, being tired, or not getting the workouts in.  I did great this week.  I didn't munch on nonsense! I took my lunch everyday and all my healthy snacks.  I went to bed between 9:30 and 10pm every night and got up to excercise by 5am every morning and I EXCERSISED Monday through Thursday (Friday and Sunday's are my rest days).  I felt great!!! I am so excited for next week.  I was kind of sad that I only had .2 on the scale but my WONDERFUL and LOVING Husband reminded me that it's not about the scale (even though I know that I have to be reminded because I want instant gratification!!!!) I am getting healthy and because I am nursing my daughter is eating healthy.  Getting healthy and moving more will make the weight come off in time.  Patience Young Grasshopper!!!!

Weigh in #3!

Weigh in #3!- written on 1-7-11

So today I was pleasantly surprised that I lost .4 pounds.  I say pleasantly surprised because it was a fun week!  We had New Years, date night, and steak dinner in the last 7 days. I was very happy when I looked back upon the week and realized I made some good choices and I am happy about those choices.

• New Years Eve and Day- I ate what ever I wanted but I was mindful of how much I put in my mouth. I also did a Turbo Jam before I went to our gathering and while at the gathering we played the Wii Just Dance games so I was up and moving.  The midnight picture with my husband is horrible because I am all red and sweating but at least I will always remember that I was moving!

• Wednesday my husband and I had a night out with some friends (our first outing without the kids since our newborn!) We went to TGI Friday's and I was SCARED! I was scared because Friday's is where I ALWAYS get the Jack Daniels Burger with french fries and a Coke. I knew and was ready to find a better choice for dinner. I had the Jack Daniels Chicken dinner with sweet potato fries and steamed veggies. YES JULIA HAD STEAMED VEGGIES AND ATE ALL OF THEM! I was very upset to find out our appetizer, the Jack Daniels Strips were over 1400 calories!  We split them but still it added up to over 700 calories for an appetizer!!!  I will never order that again.  We had a great dinner and I left happy, satisfied, and excited about my choices.  There have been other times when I ordered a healthy choice but left unhappy and very unsatisfied.  I always went back to my unhealthy choice, not this time.  I'm looking forward to our next outing!

• Last night we had tri-tip steak, mashed potatoes, and steamed carrots.  It was a good dinner that my dad made.  I made sure to have a small cut of meat and I had lots of steamed carrots.  I may have had a little too many mashed potatoes but didn't go overboard.

This week was great for working out!  I made sure to do Yoga, Turbo Jam, and The Biggest Loser Last Chance workout.  It felt good!  I enjoyed the change in workouts and it is amazing how great I felt afterward.

I am really happy about the choices I am making and feel great.  I don't ever want to lose this feeling!

2011- A New Year, A New Outlook On My Life

2011- A New Year, A New Outlook On My Life- written on 1-1-11

The moment of enlightenment is when a person's dreams of possibilities become images of probabilities."
– Vic Braden

How appropriate is it that when I opened up my email today I found the above quote waiting for me!!!  I feel that in the last two weeks since I have joined Myfitnesspal I have been enlightened. 

·      I realized that my mom is going to hit her goal weight before me but we still need each other as support on this weight loss and lifestyle journey.

·      I realized that my overall goal is to be healthy and not to worry if I don’t lose every week.

·      I realized that my whole family needs to get healthy and active and I must be a part of that.

·      I realized that I’m not going to stress during holidays; I’m going to eat what I want because it’s just for the day not my life anymore!

·      I have realized that losing 146 pounds is not going to come off quickly.  IT’S NOT A RACE!!! 

It feels so good to have been enlightened by the wonderful friends I have on MFP! 

So I have finally made some goals for myself.  You know in all the times I have tried to lose weight I had never made any goals for myself!  What does that say???? So here it is:

Goal #1: 299 by 3-4-11 Get out of the 300’s!!!!  REWARD pedicure

Goal #2: 289 by 5-13-11 weight I was at the ’09 Disneyland ½ marathon REWARD massage

Goal #3: 279 by 7-15-11 A loss of just over 10% of my starting body weight REWARD diamond stud earrings

Goal #4: 270 by 9-1-11 The ’11 Disneyland ½ marathon REWARD mani, pedi, and massage

Goal #5: 260 by 10-13-11 Our 10 year wedding anniversary REWARD for both of us a couples massage

Goal #6: 250 by 12-31-11 61 pounds in a year! REWARD spa day at Glen Ivy Spa

My dates aren’t really spread out in any particular intervals but by dates that have meaning.  My rewards are all things that I want to do or have but believe that I must earn them.  I used to REWARD myself with food, "I lost 5 pounds so lets go to Red Robin and have a Banzi Burger" (how backwards is that!!!!)

I am so excited for this year and all the wonderful things it holds in store for us!  By this time next year I will be 61 pounds lighter and healthier and I will be writing about my new goals and aspirations!  I must remember slow and steady wins the race!!!!

Weight in #2 on the last day of 2010!!!!

Weight in #2 on the last day of 2010!!!!- written on 12-31-10

So today I weighed in and was happy to have just maintained!!!  I weighed in on Christmas Eve at 306.4 which was down almost 5 pounds from were I started.  On Christmas Eve and Christmas I ate anything and everything I saw.  I didn’t hold back; I ate chocolates, cupcakes, cookies, cake, ham, meatballs, bread, bread, and more bread, and then more See’s candy, and fudge, and more cupcakes…you get the picture.  I didn’t even feel bad because I knew that it was just for the holiday.  I got on the scale on Monday and saw I was up to 312, one pound more than when I started!  I was going to get back on track.  I ate well, tracked everything, and exercised a few times this week.  It felt good!  And I was able to get back down, so I actually did lose weight!

Did I feel guilty?  It’s funny to say this but NO!  I had no guilt because I’m not living like that; it was only one day not a lifetime of eating like that anymore.  I’m going to live life and not be on a diet.  I’m going to eat what I want but in moderation and I am going to work out and stay busy.  I’m going to take myself and continue working out, tracking, and eating right.  I feel like I am in a different state of mind, a mindset that knows this is not a race.  It is a LIFE CHANGE!!!!

This is a great way to start off the New Year!  Welcome 2011!!!!

Happy New Year and be safe!!!!

Total weight loss for December: 5 pounds! 

Who knew yoga could be so hard!

Who knew yoga could be so hard!- written on 12-29-10

Today I did The Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga and man it was HARD!!!  I did week 1-2 which lasted 35 minutes and it was a great workout.  I was sweating, my legs and arms were shaking, but DAMN it felt good!!! 

Now I just need to stick to it.  The DVD recommends you do it 4-5 times a week for 6 weeks to see results, so I’m willing to give it a try.  I have to!!!!  I am doing this and I am exercising at least 5 times a week.  I felt so good afterward.  I always find myself asking, "why don’t I exercise more often"…. because it’s hard to get started but I just need to look at a picture of myself or look in my babies eye’s and I am ready to go!!!!

This Christmas

This Christmas....- originally written on 12-27-10

This Christmas was exciting and so much fun.  We had a house full of family members; mom, dad, brother, girlfriend, nephew, niece, sister-in-law, more nieces, another nephew, aunt, cousin, another cousin, his sister, plus my 4 kids and my wonderful husband.  We had so much fun and enjoyed every minute.  This was the first Christmas that we didn't have "tension" no fighting, no one not talking to us, my husband, his sister and our nieces went to church with us for the first time, IT WAS PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!!  It was the Christmas I had always dreamed of.  Even though it was a Dollar Tree Christmas it was PERFECT!!!!  The kids had tons of little gifts under the tree and they could care less about where it was bought.  They had such big smiles and everyone was happy. 

Now, to talk about the weight....  I went overboard.  At least I can admit that, before I would deny it!  I enjoyed myself and ate what I wanted but I don't feel bad.  I'm done feeling bad about what I put in my mouth because I know that I am going to do this weight loss.  I have hope now, I am happy, and I am ready.  One day or even 1 week of holidays are not going to sideline me.  It's not going to discourage me.  I'm going to enjoy, dance, sing, and be happy and look forward to a healthy life.  This time is so different, I don't feel guilty, I don't feel bad, like I said, I feel hopeful and excited. I will countinue to count my calories and get in any workouts I can.  Here's to changing my lifestyle!  I hope you have a wonderful last week of 2010, Merry Christmas to you all.

The first day of change

The first day of change- written on 12-18-10

So I am trying this again, the lifestyle change.  I have tried to lose weight before but every time I get to about 20 pounds lost I fall off and then gain it all back again.  But this time I feel different, I feel like I'm ready for the long road ahead of me.  I have 146 pounds to lose.  Maybe I'm ready because I just had another child and I know if I don't do something I will die early and not see my kids grow up.  Maybe I'm ready because my mom just had gastric bypass and I don't want to be the "Fat Daughter".  Maybe it's because my husband is trying to slim down.  Maybe because my kids are active running around and I'm sitting on the couch.  Or maybe it's because we went to see West Side Story December 4th at the Pantages Theater and I was so uncomfortable sitting in that TINY TIGHT seat.  All I know is that I'm ready and I'm doing this.  I have let this weight control me for 10 years now, wow that's a long time and I've never said that out loud! 

I started putting on some weight after we got married.  We both did, we felt comfortable and happy, who cared how we look.  We ate ice cream every night, we didn't even scoop it out into a bowl we just ate it straight out of the carton!  I then got pregnant with our twin boys and I put on 10 pounds in 6 months.  I went into labor with them at 25 weeks and they were born at 1 lb 8oz and 1lb 6oz.  They were in the NICU and I was there everyday all day.  I ate fast food and cafeteria food for every meal I didn't care.  My first son died at 3 months and I was so depressed but I still had my other son to take care of.  My second son died at 4 months and now I was in a whole other universe.  I walked around like a zombie, sleeping, crying, and sitting at the cemetery.  I put anything and everything in my mouth.  I found comfort in food where my husband found comfort in running and working out.  He started losing weight and I started packing it on.  I was so bad that he went to my parents and asked for help because he couldn't see me living like this nor could our daughter see her mom like this any more.  Little by little I started getting out of bed and making my way through the day but then it was Christmas, my FAVORITE holiday ever and I was depressed again.  I baked and ate everything again but I still felt empty, I felt like that song by Faith Hill- Where Are You Christmas.  I packed on more weight and it didn't even phase me.  

In February I found out I was pregnant again.  I was scared more than anything.  I couldn't go through losing another child.  With every cramp, pain, twitch I ran to the doctor, I panicked, and I worried.  In October I gave birth to another beautiful health son.  He was perfect.  It was bittersweet you see he was born the day after my second son's anniversary of his death.  It was a new start for me as a mother.  It's too bad I didn't see it that way for my weight!  I continued to eat out of control and packed on more weight.

Years went by and I was busy with school and work, never thinking about my weight or health.  I focused on my kids, my husband, my house, and my career.  I didn't have nor did I want to focus on me.  I didn't think it was right to have time for me. 

In July of 2008 I gave birth to our 5th child and fully enjoyed every minute of this pregnancy and birth.  I was in a new place with my kids and I was happy again.  Lots of soul searching and talking with my family, friends, and priest helped me to get in a better place with my kids.  But my weight was still an issue I was huge!  I was in the high 200's and that is not good.  I tried getting healthy again and even ran a 1/2 marathon.  I lost about 25 pounds but that wasn't enough.  I tried to lose more weight but got frustrated and stopped counting, stopped exercising.

I found out in 2010 I was pregnant with our 6th baby and I was excited.  I always wanted a big family and after the twins I never that I would continue.  We welcomed this baby in October and I love every minute of it.  I am now ready to lose all the baby weight I have put on in the past 7 years plus the weight I put on after we got married.  I know it will be a long road because I want to lose it the right way, nice and slow.  I have a strong support system around me and I have 4 beautiful kids cheering me all the way and a WONDERFUL loving husband who is working with me.

This time needs to be the final time and I need to get healthy for my family and me.  I am happy again and I enjoy life.  I know now that my twins are fine and watching over us, and I will see them again but not just yet.  I love my life and now my outside needs to reflect that!